On wheels: Suzuki Swift Sport

Would suit Boy racers on a tight budget Price ??11,499 Performance 124mph, 0-62mph in 8.9 seconds Combined fuel economy 37.7mpg Further information 01892 707 007 I can't believe it! I am right excited. I just heard the driver
saying on his mobile phone that, apparently, he's on his way to
deliver me to "some bloke from the newspapers". I am going to be in
the friggin' newspaper! Me! At last! Wait till they hear about this
back at the Suzuki press garage. They are going to be, like, sooo
jealous. Oh, God, I hope it's Clarkson. Please God let it be Clarkson.
Please. I promise I will never torque steer again if it's Clarkson.
Imagine, me, a Suzuki Swift Sport being driven by the great man
himself. Or the Hamster, or even the posh one with the hair! We
never heard the last of it when that Liana got chosen for Top
Gear's "Star in a Reasonably Priced Car". Everyone's had a go in
her - Ross Kemp, Michael Gambon, Lionel Richie... I heard her
agent's pushing for a spin-off series. Won't talk to the rest of us
normal press vehicles. God, just imagine if they let the Stig take
me round th... Hold on a minute, that isn't Jeremy Clarkson. Who is this slaphead?
Oh, Christ, I don't friggin' believe it. They've loaned me out to
the bloody tosser from The Independent on Sunday. Oh, bloody hell.
Just my luck. He's opening the door. Well, he might 'ave dressed up
a bit for it. Oi, mate, this is your work you know, you could have
made an effort. All right, let's just get this over and done with. Hey, stop wriggling your bum in my buckets. Oh, no, please not
Radio 3. I don't want you falling asleep at the wheel. Here we go,
he's moving off. Steady on the throttle. Whoah there boy! Do you
realise this is a 40mph zone? Ha! He's just spotted a copper,
that'll slow him down a bit. Urgh, that's disgusting. Would you do that in your own car? Blimey.
Still, he seems to be enjoying himself. I think he's figured out
that I'm not just a set of fancy floor mats and some stickers.
They've sorted me out with uprated springs and dampers, a remapped
throttle, larger tail pipes, sharper steering and a better gear
change. I was honed on the N??rburgring and I'm pretty well
hung down below, I can tell you - 17 inches in the tyre department
if you don't mind. Come on, let's get off this motorway and give us
a go on some bendy bits. That's better. That's a lot more fun now, isn't it Indy man? Oooh,
he's switched to Kiss FM. I must be doing something right. I'm
feeling a bit thirsty. Good, some petrol. I'll have some of that
Super Premium stuff please. What! Normal unleaded? Stingy bugger. I
see you've seen yourself right though, haven't you? Wotsits, Double
Decker and a Mars Bar? Does your wife know you fill your face like
this? He's stopped to take some notes. Hey! Stop it, that tickles. You
won't find any wobbly bits there mate. I'm built to last. Take a
look at the spec sheet in the glove box you durr-brain - I'm
cheaper than a Citro?«n C2 VTR, and miles better value than one
of those poncey new Minis. Hmm, they could have picked a prettier
spot for the photograph. Going for the gritty urban look are we? Looks like we're off home again. He's got the hang of me now; a
little less of the kangaroo juice. Hey, he's asking his wife to
come and have a look at me. Awright darling? Fancy a ride? What's that? She's shaking her head. He's saying something about a
bank loan, but she's not having it. She's sent him indoors!
Clarkson would never stand for that. s It's a classic: Ford Capri Thirty years ago, aspiring boys racers dreamed of just one car, and
it bore little resemblance to contemporary hot hatches like the
Swift Sport. It was, of course, the Capri. The Capri was launched in 1968 as "the car you always promised
yourself". A two-door, front-engined four seater, the Capri was
designed and built in Britain and came with everything from a
measly 1.3-litre four-cylinder engine, to the 3.0GT, with a
modified Zodiac V6 capable of almost 130mph - heady stuff back in
the late 1960s. The ultimate Capris were the "RS" models, while on the track Capris
achieved notable success in touring-car racing. Aston Martin even
had a go at souping up the Capri with a woeful "Tickford" version,
with colour-coded bumpers and leather trim. After three incarnations, countless appearances on television
(normally with Dennis Waterman) and a final production run of
almost 1.5 million, the Capri - latterly built in Germany - came to
the natural end of its life in 1987. Though by then it was an
automotive dinosaur, many mourned its passing, and equally many
remember it fondly.Source: Belfast Telegraph